30 in 30....day 6

Again trying a slightly different style today, I will eventually get back to my tried and true method to painting but I do find it really weird how no matter what I set out to do when experimenting I get completely different results than what I was actually aiming for!  I guess that's a sign that I'm no true expert...or at least not a very good fake!

What I had in mind was that I was going to create a series of seasonal paintings...I've done the same concept before but another style that time too...I was thinking of a painting made almost entirely of circular organic shapes, with extra colours and circles within circles....inspired by the likes of Norval Morrisseau, bright bold colours, very graphic...and so on.

What I ended up with was something very different. Mr. Morrisseau would no doubt NOT be impressed, but in my defence I abandoned that concept almost immediately after beginning.

My head was in the clouds today. I've been thinking of a couple people who've lost those very close to them in the last couple days, considering spirituality, mourning, grief, letting go and such.  So perhaps that's why this ended up looking like it did.   I "think" I like it but I don't consider myself much of a romantic and this looks like that to me.

(I also so hope that heaven is a little more rockin' than this too....assuming I'd be admitted that is...and that this isn't my subconscious giving me a window to the great hereafter!)

Perhaps it ended up like this only because it was my spring version??  A little sticky sweet, perhaps I can make a winter storm next or a really miserable autumn day...more matching to my volatile character!        

I do like the globs of paint, it created a bit of texture which is hard to see in this image but pretty cool when the board is in front of you.  I will continue the series for the remaining 3 seasons and hope when they're all together it looks cool.

12 x 16

acrylic on canvas board

God given Talent

I spend too much time worrying about my talents.  Am I using them to the best of my ability?  Which ones should I focus on?  Am I wasting my most important ones and instead imparting too much time and energy on ones that won’t deliver optimal results?  Some days I create intricate excuses or just throw up my hands in frustration and bury my time in some useless activity then invariably feel all the more miserable after for the time wasted.  Should I not have done something, made something, achieved something?  What a messed up ‘canvas’ I’m creating!  Maybe I was right where I needed to be at that moment and maybe I’d save so very much anxiety if I just learn to accept who I am as I am.

What I am slowly coming to realize is I am very much affected by the seasons and the weather.  William Shakespeare long ago wrote “At Christmas I no more desire a rose than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; but like of each thing that in season grows.”  That is me.  There are seasons when I cannot force myself to put paint to canvas.  There are seasons when I cannot resist the allure of some warm wool in my hands as I turn it into something else.  There are times when I cannot put down a novel and other times when I have no desire whatsoever to pick one up.  I even wonder sometimes why I fill my space with things that I have no desire to use.  There are seasons that I embrace the pull of warm, rich soil in my hands as I plant and nourish and grow and there are seasons that relieve me of my guilt in not tending to all my outside spaces with the precision and attention they undoubtedly deserve, I am then elated to be finally buried inside, in the warmth, with a new set of goals in hand.

So, I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t worry.  I also don’t need to categorize and itemize every task and talent and numerically order them from greatest to least.  I make mental lists, but then my head gets so full of all I haven’t done that I go through fits of despondency when really I might need to step back and check out the ‘canvas’ I’ve been creating from a different angle.

So what if every moment of every day is not spent with artist’s brush in hand?  Sometimes I trade it out for a hammer or a pen or a shovel or someone else’s hand.  Perhaps I’m not wasting my talents at all but using every single last one which was given to me.  I imagine it’ll take more than my lifetime to perfect any one of them but in the meantime the picture I’m creating is pretty rich.  Instead of worrying about efficiency or people’s perceptions I’m listening to the quiet…and the silence isn’t telling me that I’m wasting space or energy, the silence allows me to breathe and maybe just whispers ever so softly that I’m doing just fine.  Relax and get on with it…whatever “it” may be.

Meanwhile..."it" is painting again! ;)

The New Year...

A time for new beginnings,

new possibilities, new challenges, adventures, complications.

Who knows what the New Year will hold?

Not I.

I’m not making any resolutions…I am big on planning but I don’t like making promises I know I won’t likely keep…to myself or others.  So, I will go quietly on my journey, one day at a time since we really don’t know what the future will hold, I will only attempt to do my best at whatever moment I find myself in and I know I’ll fall short of the mark a thousand times over…but I’ll keep trying again and again.  

So, for today…a time to celebrate how far I’ve come, the wonderful world around me, the family we’ve created and the blessings we’ve been given.

For tomorrow…Who knows?

St. Theresa’s Prayer

“May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.”

Happy New Year!  Jen

OMG...Hanging an art exhibit is exhausting!!!

All my work (that would fit) is now hung in the Cafe and on display for all to critique and hopefully...enjoy.

I'm not sure why I'm exhausted, but I am.  The process of creating art is much more pleasing than measuring and spacing and placing disparate groups of mismatched frames while Cafe goers come and go amidst my personal chaos. 
I want everything to look perfect, I want to please people, I want to be successful. 
But what does that mean to me, exactly?           Not sure. 
          Sure, I'd love to turn all that art into cash and pay off a bit of debt, sure, I'd love to be well known as a great artist. 
But somewhere deep down I think I'm looking for approval.  Always looking for approval everywhere and I find the hunt extremely exhausting.  So to clarify, it's not that pat on the head, "you did good" type of approval I want, but approval where I can look in the mirror, look into my own eyes and know that I did the best I could and know that God knows too and not care one flying fig leaf what anyone else really thinks.  That's the type I'm looking for and it's getting a bit easier to find that.
Because- I'm getting more comfortable in my own skin as I get older. 
Because- I'm realizing that I'm really not as important as I once thought I was and I'm good with that.
Because- I think I did the best I could for right now. 
So, if I were to title my exhibit, which I'm not, I would likely not call it "Seasons" (which would make sense) or even my lofty idea of "God Speaks" (an interpretation better explained on a more coherent day)  but likely just "The best of me for now" , not too catchy or earth shattering but simple and true. 
If my art can make someone smile, remember, dream or just lose themselves for even a moment then I can be content knowing that I've done exactly all I need to do.
I think I'll sleep well tonight.  
                                 ....and I will update the gallery very soon.