30 in 30....day 6

Again trying a slightly different style today, I will eventually get back to my tried and true method to painting but I do find it really weird how no matter what I set out to do when experimenting I get completely different results than what I was actually aiming for!  I guess that's a sign that I'm no true expert...or at least not a very good fake!

What I had in mind was that I was going to create a series of seasonal paintings...I've done the same concept before but another style that time too...I was thinking of a painting made almost entirely of circular organic shapes, with extra colours and circles within circles....inspired by the likes of Norval Morrisseau, bright bold colours, very graphic...and so on.

What I ended up with was something very different. Mr. Morrisseau would no doubt NOT be impressed, but in my defence I abandoned that concept almost immediately after beginning.

My head was in the clouds today. I've been thinking of a couple people who've lost those very close to them in the last couple days, considering spirituality, mourning, grief, letting go and such.  So perhaps that's why this ended up looking like it did.   I "think" I like it but I don't consider myself much of a romantic and this looks like that to me.

(I also so hope that heaven is a little more rockin' than this too....assuming I'd be admitted that is...and that this isn't my subconscious giving me a window to the great hereafter!)

Perhaps it ended up like this only because it was my spring version??  A little sticky sweet, perhaps I can make a winter storm next or a really miserable autumn day...more matching to my volatile character!        

I do like the globs of paint, it created a bit of texture which is hard to see in this image but pretty cool when the board is in front of you.  I will continue the series for the remaining 3 seasons and hope when they're all together it looks cool.

12 x 16

acrylic on canvas board

Stuck

Okay, I admit it, I am stuck.  Teetering on a really wobbly plank and I cannot make that plank balance any more than I can tip it in the direction of success.  I can at any moment very unglamorously fall off.

 

Creativity:

I always believed I just had it.

No matter what.  

Now I realize, a bit too late that I too, like every other normal person out there can lose it.  I have lost it. 

Trouble is I need it now and no matter what I do to coax it from its shell, it is eluding me.  

I can paint pretty well.  No, I’m not Degas, Van Gogh, Matisse, Chagall, Leonardo, Warhol, or any of the other great geniuses, not even a modern day undiscovered one, but I can usually paint something that impresses someone.  Not so much, not right now. 

My genius (as classified by Elizabeth Gilbert in a TED presentation on creativity  http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html) must be lost under the dust bunnies in some corner of my world.  I keep showing up to paint and my genius is not following.  Maybe it went on a trip…wish it took me with it, I could use a break.  Maybe it decided to find someone more worthy to attach itself to? 

Whatever.

All I know is panic is beginning to set in. 

And we are suffering.  Not the deep down true suffering that appears in so many people’s lives in death, in sickness, in war, in chaos, in violence.  But I am slowly going mental.  My kids look at me like I’ve grown 3 heads, My house is getting grimy, the laundry is overwhelming me.  My husband has this look of sympathy and I have developed a habit of screaming out loud (not really loud...not quite there yet!) for no apparent reason when what I am trying to coax out of my paintbrush repeatedly fails to transpire upon my canvas.  I 've also hit up a friend or two about my dilemma and if I keep this up eventually I'll become their plague. 

I have a goal and I am starting to believe I will not achieve it. 

I need to paint.  I want to paint WELL.  I don’t want to blow this and I’m afraid I’m going to. 

Meanwhile…my posts will become even more infrequent.  I cannot help this because I’m stubborn enough to keep trying.  I will paint every opportunity I get and I will either waste a pile of art supplies or I will eventually pull off a successful first ever studio tour.  Time will tell. Pray for me…I need it! 

Cheers, Jen