Thursday, July 19, 2012

Learning to be Flexible...

Sometimes someone says something that just rubs the wrong way.  Chances are they meant nothing at all when they said those loaded words that have pierced me to the core.

There's probably a multitude of lesson to be learned if I analyze, dissect and explore that statement but the one I'm grasping onto now is that perhaps I need to be a little less rigid and just role with the punches, pick myself up and get back to business.

This is what I have been attempting to do as I have found myself occupying much time pruning, tying and tending the vines in our vineyard.  I am dealing with a tightly woven mess of too many branches, a lot of fruit and attempting to make order and sense of this tangled garden. 

From the vineyard perspective the best advice we've received to date is to prune with your head and not your heart.  After living through trying to control the rampant and voracious growth that comes with my cold climate hybrid vines I'm slowly learning that using my head is the best way to operate and I might also add my own piece of advice which is to look to the future and not dwell in the present too much.  So what if a few grapes-okay-A LOT of them!  get hacked off in the process, the plants will be stronger and better for the experience next year.

Certain chosen vines flex in the right direction to be tied exactly where they need to be and others that I want to keep snap off in my attempt to control.  I need to apply this concept to my life and learn to let the words that hurt weave in and around my consciousness but not turn my heart into a tangled mess.  Experiences and people will meander in and out of my days, which I decide to prune and which I decide to hang onto will make all the difference in how I will grow.  Letting others' twisted words affect my productivity is something I need to contemplate with my head so my heart never gets too sore!  

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Anniversary day

'Tis our anniversary today.  Seventeen years married, not a particularly momentous number but an accomplishment none the less.  I now wait for many relatives to descend upon us as today correlates to a Christmas in July party that is happening at our home I'm reflecting quietly on how much I've changed over the past 17 years of married life.  Although I can look in the mirror and lament some not so favourable changes to many parts of my anatomy, I can say without a doubt that marrying my high school sweetheart and hanging on for dear life through the years and rocky roads and roller coasters that ensued is the single best decision I ever made.  Years back I would be in total panic mode at the present time as I wait for 30 plus people to arrive and in my mind scrutinize how I look, how my kids are dressed, how clean the house is, if the environment is favourable and so on....   Today I'm not throwing all my standards out the window, not at all as the passage of time has guaranteed us the privilege of a nicer home and more mature kids that can (for the most part) act accordingly but I am remarkably very relaxed.  I am what I am, warts and all and if people haven't accepted me for who I am by now, no sense getting my knickers in a knot!  

A huge part of this self acceptance comes with the love and unconditional support of the wonderful boy, now a man that I fell for all those years ago.  Lets face it-there's only so many occasions, so many years that can pass with me acting like a psychotic whirling dervish of panicked energy while this calm, cool and casual man remains completely unfazed by my side before even I, slow learner that I am realize that I'm expending quite a bit of energy on really nothing much! 
A glass breaks, clean it up.  The button pops on my pants as I head to the bathroom one last time before guests arrive...oh bloody hell!....but no biggie, go get the needle and thread it will be long fixed before anyone comes!, the house is unbearably hot as we endure yet another week of unbroken heat wave, so what! I cannot control these things, so why stress? 
I have so much to be thankful for, my great children, beautiful home, financial comfort, friends, family and of course Scott, the rock in my life, unwavering and unshakable. 

I do still have complete psychotic moments, no doubt, life does still deliver many, many bumps and yes, I still over-react at least half the time but I calm down quicker, explode a little slower and I don't believe it's simply because I care less or am too old only that I was very blessed to find the Yin to my Yang so very long ago.  He compliments whatever it is that I've got and makes this journey such a fun and terrific adventure!  Thanks Mr. Judd for spending your life by my side!